As a special treat, here is a short story I entered in a contest not to long ago. I had a ton of fun writing it since it really was the first comedic story I'd written (aside from random notes passed in classes where fun shorts were formed).
SUMMER POOL
Birds flitted in the trees. A gentle breeze carried in fine pine scents. Inside, Runa B. W. Markostokenwald prepared for her summer job like you would prepare for any average day, and it began with pressing the snooze alarm for approximately one hour. This of course was proceeded by a lazy attempt to find matching clothes, then putting them back in the closet for when she had a life. Now in scruffy and more workable attire, Runa ran out the door with hope that Poptarts didn't expire and short knotted hair was in style.
The sun beat down on her fair skin.
Stupid sun.
The pool opened at nine. The pool where Runa worked opened at nine. The pool from which Runa must clean all the scum, that very pool, opened in exactly the time it takes Runa to run three trips to the bakery. It was not an hour.
By the time she got to the pool it was only twenty minutes until the surrounding people would flock and bare skin that had been festering all winter. Bag in the locked maintenance room, she removed the giant netted hoop. She was armed and ready to regret her financial endeavors. In fifteen minutes her boss, the complex association representative (or Jim) would arrive to open the gates and review the detail and quality of her work.
With even strokes, she began swiping the bits of trees and trash from the blue waters. Rhythmically she started to drift off.
Splash.
Runa turned to observe the waters. Faint ripples, but nothing to counter her own net. She continued to rid the pool of bobbing bottles. The net made peaceful sounds as Runa weaved it back and forth.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
Over and over.
Splash.
“Aha!” Runa swiveled and raised the pole for attack upon...nothing. The waters were quiet. Again, she returned to her work; quickening the pace. Runa B. W. Markostokenwald was not going to let this small matter scare her.
Splash.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! No!” Violently she slammed the pole onto the water in the direction of the splash.
With a strong stance she watched the waters calm. After removing the pole, something slowly bobbed to the surface not unlike a dead fish.
Runa slowly kneeled down to observe more closely. In fact it was a fish, but it wasn't dead. The gils desperately flapped. A small gurgle escaped it's Mouth. She leaned closer as if it could answer the questions in her head. The fish made another gurgle and twitched. “Come closer.”
Yep, Runa decided that she'd gone mad.
“Come closer,” the fish begged. She did. She reached out her finger towards the frail scaly form.
Closer.
Cloooooossseer.
Suddenly the fish flipped it's body and launched itself at her finger. Chomping
down on the thin appendage, the fish yanked Runa over the pool's edge and into the
chlorine and apparently demon-fish infested water. She had no time to scream.
The fish failed to release her as she was pulled farther and farther into the depths. The water had a slight hint of coconut; tasted as water slowly broke through Runa's mouth. The sunlight barely reached this depth and no sign of the pools wall or floor were detected.
Runa's vision began to blur and she realized she wouldn't hold out for much longer.
But something was approaching.
They slowed.
Through the bleak blue waters a figure grew larger and larger. As it approached, a spurt of bubbles erupted from Runa's mouth. She quickly stopped it to keep the remaining oxygen in as long as possible.
The giant hammerhead shark swam closer.
As it reached the floating girl (with small fish still attached to her finger) it reared it massive head. Runa cringed; quite sure it was all over now.
Swiftly and with great force it slammed the great hammer of it's head down upon the fish at her finger.
Stunned the fish released Runa's finger. quickly it darted around her and sped away into the dark. “You shall not have me Viking mongrel!”
“Don't let him get away!” The shark pursued.
Runa's vision went dark.
When she regained consciousness she was still underwater, but surprisingly able to breath. She scratched an itch on her head and observed her surroundings; taking in the sleek, algae covered stone walls and floor. A faint light flickered in from an archway window. No doors. She scratched the annoying itch again. Her fingers reached her temple, her knotted hair and then her snail.
The fish failed to release her as she was pulled farther and farther into the depths. The water had a slight hint of coconut; tasted as water slowly broke through Runa's mouth. The sunlight barely reached this depth and no sign of the pools wall or floor were detected.
Runa's vision began to blur and she realized she wouldn't hold out for much longer.
But something was approaching.
They slowed.
Through the bleak blue waters a figure grew larger and larger. As it approached, a spurt of bubbles erupted from Runa's mouth. She quickly stopped it to keep the remaining oxygen in as long as possible.
The giant hammerhead shark swam closer.
As it reached the floating girl (with small fish still attached to her finger) it reared it massive head. Runa cringed; quite sure it was all over now.
Swiftly and with great force it slammed the great hammer of it's head down upon the fish at her finger.
Stunned the fish released Runa's finger. quickly it darted around her and sped away into the dark. “You shall not have me Viking mongrel!”
“Don't let him get away!” The shark pursued.
Runa's vision went dark.
When she regained consciousness she was still underwater, but surprisingly able to breath. She scratched an itch on her head and observed her surroundings; taking in the sleek, algae covered stone walls and floor. A faint light flickered in from an archway window. No doors. She scratched the annoying itch again. Her fingers reached her temple, her knotted hair and then her snail.
Snail? Did she have one of those? Runa felt again and was quite sure that yes, there was indeed a giant snail upon her head.
“I'd keep that there if you want to keep breathing.” A long tentacle pulled her through the archway and out into open waters. Before her was a dapper octopus; finely dressed. Slimy and pink, but sharply dressed none-the-less.
Atop her head the snail purred. “But how-” The octopus cut her off: “Just accept it”.
“Um, I'd like to go home now.”
“I really must express my sincerest of apologies, human. I'm afraid you've been the victim of our negligence.” The Octopus spoke with finely choreographed flourishes, “That cad who sank you was not properly supervised upon the outing for the, shall we say, special citizen's field trip. Worry not, for he shall be back where he can harm not a soul.”
“Wonderful, may I leave?”
The Octopus tightly embraced her. “Oh you must be so taken aback, but welcome! Let us commence the tour.”
Suctioning her arms, the Octopus proceeded to drag her though sunken ships and stone structures. From behind various obstacles multitudes of sea-life began following.
Smaller prawns draped long chords of pearls around her neck.
“I. Would. Really. Like. To. Leave.” The pearls grew heavy upon her neck and she heard nary a word of the octopus's as it sped along. She missed the school of fish. Too busy struggling, she even missed all the way up to university.
Finally they slowed. The octopus released her. Fish circled her. More pearls. “This occasion deserves a welcome celebration!”
The fish started singing.
And dancing.
And still more pearls.
Runa's body became so heavy, she began sinking into the depths; the party unaware of her plight. The water rapidly growing hotter.
Twisting her body, she could see the shimmering seafloor with it's exotic plants, smooth glittering jewels, and volcanic holes. Runa wildly panicked. More pearls floated down from the celebration and caught onto her flailing limbs.
The water pulsed and the very earth cringed as a giant undersea volcano erupted and shot water up into the heavens. Caught in the draft Runa rose higher and higher. Suddenly she burst through the water and flopped onto her back. Pearls bobbed around her.
Runa B. W. Markostokenwald was not going to let the fish-people suck her back down. She scrambled to the edge of the pool and sprinted to the gate where she met, with full impact force, the apartment association representative.
She shook Jim's shoulder violently “I don't want any more pearls!” She sprinted away with the snail still atop her head.
“I. Would. Really. Like. To. Leave.” The pearls grew heavy upon her neck and she heard nary a word of the octopus's as it sped along. She missed the school of fish. Too busy struggling, she even missed all the way up to university.
Finally they slowed. The octopus released her. Fish circled her. More pearls. “This occasion deserves a welcome celebration!”
The fish started singing.
And dancing.
And still more pearls.
Runa's body became so heavy, she began sinking into the depths; the party unaware of her plight. The water rapidly growing hotter.
Twisting her body, she could see the shimmering seafloor with it's exotic plants, smooth glittering jewels, and volcanic holes. Runa wildly panicked. More pearls floated down from the celebration and caught onto her flailing limbs.
The water pulsed and the very earth cringed as a giant undersea volcano erupted and shot water up into the heavens. Caught in the draft Runa rose higher and higher. Suddenly she burst through the water and flopped onto her back. Pearls bobbed around her.
Runa B. W. Markostokenwald was not going to let the fish-people suck her back down. She scrambled to the edge of the pool and sprinted to the gate where she met, with full impact force, the apartment association representative.
She shook Jim's shoulder violently “I don't want any more pearls!” She sprinted away with the snail still atop her head.
And that, dear readers, is why you don't go to the public pool.
A very wise life lesson: Never trust a dapper octopus. Great story!
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